Living with someone suffering from MCI or Alzheimer’s Disease can make you feel like you are in the movie Groundhog Day. In the unforgettable 1993 comedy starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell, Murray plays Phil Connors, a TV weatherman who finds himself caught in an endlessly repeating time loop, reliving the same day of his life over and over again. From the moment his radio-alarm goes off in the morning, Murray’s character knows every detail of the day ahead because he has already lived it hundreds of times before.
Many people caring for someone with Alzheimer’s Disease say that they strongly identify with the film because they feel like they are living the same day again and again, answering the same questions over and over, holding the same conversations again and again, going through the same routines endlessly, always coming to the same frustrating conclusions – only to wake up the next morning and start all over again. Like Connors predicts: “It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be gray, and it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.”
Since Murray’s character has no choice but to live the same day over endlessly, he begins to experiment with different strategies to end his unhappiness. For a while he indulges in hedonism, then he tries to better himself by learning piano or mastering sculpture and other educational pursuits, and even attempts suicide more than once.
Eventually, he reexamines his priorities and discovers joy, purpose and meaning by simply using each new day as an opportunity to help others.
Instead of seeing my life as a caregiver as repetitive drudgery, I began to see each day as another chance to honor my husband in the most meaningful way possible, by fulfilling my vow to love him “in sickness and in health.” I pushed aside my own pain, hugged Glen, and told him that I loved him every day regardless of whether or not he understood who I was or what I was saying.
I began connecting with other caregivers across the country by phone and by joining a local support group, and I got involved in advocacy to raise funds for a cure. Like Murray, I also started making time to improve myself by reading books, listening to lectures, taking dance classes and trying to learn to cook. (I failed at the last of these but am hoping to tackle it again soon.)
The trick to surviving life as an Alzheimer’s caregiver is to learn to appreciate each day and use it to help others. Doing this will help you find meaning, joy, and peace in your own life.
Bill Murray’s character would not have discovered this truth if he had not found himself caught in an endlessly repeating cycle of reliving the same day over and over again. Likewise, if a caregiver is caught in the time loop long enough, the things that really matter in life become clear. It’s not easy, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but in some ways, Alzheimer’s can be a gift. Watching memory and life slip away from a loved one teaches important lessons in gratitude, compassion and empathy.
Groundhog Day helped me change my perspective on the frustrating repetitiveness that often accompanies Alzheimer’s, and I strongly suggest that all caregivers give it a watch if they haven’t already.
Fun Fact: Groundhog Day was produced by Trevor Albert, who also produced Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me.
I hear you,, Kim. I currently have a son with his 4th concussion and short term memory issues and a husband with Parkinson’s and the cognitive changes that are worsening. I’m a disabled ER nurse who is taking care of everyone, including two sick cats. I lose track of days.
Your message here is so true. The mental challenges of caregiving for loved ones with dementia/Alzheimer’s can sap your energy, damage your health, and it’s easy to let your own needs fall by the wayside. After many years as a “career girl”, I am now caring for my elderly parents who reside with my husband and myself. Although there are many challenges, there are more smiles than tears, and I am grateful that I can be here for them now…just like they have always been there for me.
Very inspired words for caregivers of Alzheimer’s Kim! And when we are able to find our own peace the beauty is those we care for will feel it and become more peaceful as well.
How true! I never would have realized the corrolation on my own. I recently list my mother, 9-10-17 but i would not want to miss the last year of living her for anything. There were so many blessings once I relaxed and just enjoyed our time together. Thank you for sharing!
I was so surprised to open this Web page and see this as the first story.
I’ve been using the same analogy that my life (as a caregiver) is just like the movie “Groundhog Day” as far as caring for my wife of 55, same day over and over. I was glad to see Kim that you had an additional perspective on it, teaching empathy, compassion and gratitude. In further thought I can certainly see that. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your journey. No one can understand unless they have walked the walk. I watch my too young, joy filled, gentle, filled with the Holy Spirit husband as he was given “a big dose of Alzheimer’s at one time” following brain surgery to remove a cyst 5 years ago. It is overwhelmingly sad to watch someone you love not remember what he did 30 seconds ago. The thing I have seen above all through this painful journey, is that he truly lives out “nothing else really matters when you have Jesus”. No one, no one can take that away from Him. I praise the Lord for my husband’s words in his last church Life Group lesson he taught “when all you have left is Jesus, you have everything you need. Blessings to you.
Debbie B.
My husband has Multiple System Atrophy and it is a horrible disease. Since I am a musician Glen’s music has been such an inspiration to me. I like all his music but especially his sacred CD’s. Thank you Kim for being such a strong rock for him and helping him find his way back to the Lord. Since I am a Christian there is no way I could handle my husband’s disease without God’s strength. Your words of encouragement mean so much. God bless you and your children.
Just read your story which put things in perspective for me. I was living Groundhogs Day getting angry and frustrated,my husband was diagnosed 2yrs ago. This once social powerful business man changing into someone I didn’t know anymore. I will now change my behavior with understanding and kindness. Learning patience and appreciate the good times we still have. Thank You.
I thought of this movie several weeks ago and loved what you said about using that time to grow as a human being. I actually had put the song “I’ve got you Babe” as my alarm. The song that woke up Phil everyday. It makes me smile at God and pray for strength. (-;
My friend and sister in Christ, Karen Friend shared your website with me. This is the first article I’ve read on here. I have said on more than one occasion that my life feels like the movie “Groundhogs Day”.
Your article helped me to see that complaining about the repetitiveness and feelings of being trapped in this place for who knows how long, is not helping anyone. My mom is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s and is in overall excellent health. So, as most people reading your article know, the unknown of “how long” is always present.
Your article helped me to realize that I need to put it all at the Lord’s feet every day, give my best to my mom as she has always given to me, and stop feeling sorry for myself.
God bless you for sharing your journey.
Kim Schaefer
PS My mom loved the movie that you made of Glen’s Journey. She was a fan of his, but it also helped her to understand the disease a little better as she related her story to his.